Keeping a Good Sexual Relationship
By: Vanessa Chow (Sex and Relationship Coach / Counsellor)
Sex and intimacy are one of the most important parts of a marriage. It binds the man and woman together and brings them closer. Research demonstrates a strong connection between sexual intimacy and satisfaction in marriage. A good sexual relationship is really the key barometer of where we are in a relationship.
Keeping the sexual spark alive in a marriage or in a long-term relationship is easier said than done. Most couples struggle with intimacy at some point. Sometimes too tired, sometimes too stressed or simply the interest has fizzled. When one’s sex life starts to suffer, so does the relationship.
So, what are the secrets of a good sexual relationship in marriage? Here are four suggestions:
1) Always address unresolved conflicts
It is common to make the mistake of viewing intimacy as a separate dynamic within the relationship. In reality, everything that happens between you and your partner outside of the bedroom can impact what happens inside of it. If both of you are struggling with any conflicts, the negative emotions will swirl around the bedroom. Therefore, it is essential to settle any conflict before it leads to frustration and resentment.
2) Show affection and appreciation
We all like to feel appreciated and loved, thus it is important for us to pay attention and be affectionate with our loved one. Be sure to acknowledge our appreciation of each other regularly. Holding hands, hugs, kisses, the rubs on the shoulder, the pats on the butt that say “I love you” or “you’re special to me” are all things that show your partner that you really appreciate her/him.
Flirting is a positive way to communicate our love to each other, and it can also benefit our marriage. When we flirt with our partner, it is a way to remind one another that we are still attracted to each other. It can be a form of playful communication that indicates to our lover that we are attracted to him/her and that we welcome love and sex from them. Examples of flirting cues are whispering, fidgeting with earrings, necklace or a necktie, as well as sitting close together, squeezing your spouse’s hand or knee, shyly looking away, or leaving a love note for your spouse to find.
3) Open and honest communication
Communication is extremely vital to a good sex life. Most women believe that being able to openly share feelings is kind of a precursor to having a satisfying sexual relationship. Be willing to share openly with your partner about what you want and how you feel in the bedroom. Share exactly what turns you on. If there’s one thing your partner keeps doing that really doesn’t excite you, it’s better to appreciate his/her effort and tell him/her how you feel than just stay frustrated. Also if there’s something you think you’d like for your partner to do with you, tell him/her. Encourage your partner to do the same. It is important to continue communication during and after sex.
4) Incorporate playfulness and experimentation in the bedroom
The worst thing that can happen in a relationship is for sex life to become routine and for boredom to set in. Being playful and experimental in the bedroom is the key factor for having fun during lovemaking. It also helps us get closer to our partner.
Trying new and different positions can make a difference in your love life. Having sex in different areas other than bedroom can also add excitement and a sense of danger to it. Try to add some spice into your relationship by bringing toys to the bedroom, it can make a huge difference. Explore your fantasies with your partner and be very specific in your requests. Just make sure that both of you are comfortable with your ideas.
Couples who take time to cultivate and maintain healthy and satisfying sexual relations tend to be more connected with each other. When couples are attuned to each others’ sexual needs, they behave romantically toward one another and develop a very loving and respectful relationship.
If you would like more details on how I can help you reignite or maintain a satisfying sex life with your partner, contact Vanessa for a coaching session on 0412712633.